Hari igihe ubona umuntu abonye ibyo incuti ze zagezeho ugatekereza ko bigiye kumushimisha, ariko nyamara wajya kubona ukabona ahubwo ntibimunejeje. Si urwango, si n’inzika. Incuro nyinshi burya ni ishyari riba rimwahuranyije umutima (jealousy – jalousie).
Muri iyi nyandiko turarebera hamwe impamvu ikiremwamuntu kigira ishyari, ingaruka zaryo ndetse n’uburyo bwo kuzirinda igihe bibaye ngombwa.
Ese ishyari ni iki?
Ishyari ni ibyiyumviro (imyumvire) by’umuntu bifite aho bihuriye no kutigirira icyizere, ubwoba, no guhangayikishwa n’uko umuntu adafite umutekano uhoraho kubyo atunze cyangwa yifuza.
Ibi ni ibintu biba ku bantu benshi, n’ubwo ntawabyatura ngo abivuge yeruye. Ntaho utasanga ishyari, riri hose: mu miryango hagati y’abashakanye, hagati y’ababyeyi n’abana, hagati y’abavandimwe; ku kazi hagati y’abakozi, n’abandi benshi.
Ishyari ni ikintu gisanzwe kigaragara mu bantu b’ingeri zose kugera no ku bana b’ibitambambuga bafite amezi atanu gusa. Ishyari kandi riboneka mu mico yose kandi ko riri ku isi hose.
Ariko wakibaza uti se ishyari rituruka he? Ni ibiki bishobora gutera umuntu kugira ishyari? Tugiye kurebera hamwe impamvu 3 z’ingenzi zishobora gutuma umuntu agira ishyari.
1. Ubwonko butinya gutakaza/Kubura
Abashakashatsi mu mitekerereze ya muntu bagaragaza ko ishyari akenshi rituruka ku bwoba bwo gutakaza cyangwa se kuba wabura ikintu runaka.
Iyo ubwonko bwumva hari ikintu gifite agaciro umuntu ashobora gutakaza; nk’urukundo, umwanya mu kazi cyangwa ikintu cy’agaciro icyo aricyo cyose, ubwonko buhita bubibonamo umwanzi ni uko bugatanga ikimenyetso.
Ingero ni nyinshi z’ibintu bishobora gukurura ishyari:
- Kubona incuti yawe igiye kwiyegereza abandi ukaba wumva ko umwanya yaguhaga ugiye kugabanuka.
- Kubona mugenzi wawe mu kazi ashimwa cyane ukaba wakumva bishyize igitutu ku mikorere yawe cyangwa akazi kawe.
- Kubona umuntu ageze ku nzozi wowe wahoze wifuza ukabibona nk’aho urenganye kuba nawe utari muri uwo mwanya.
Izi ngero zose zihuriye ku kuba ubwonko bushobora kumva ko hari ikintu kitagenda neza mu mibereho yawe bitewe n’uko utishimiye ibihe urimo ako kanya.
Abahanga mu mitekerereze ya muntu bagaragaza ko ishyari ari amarangamutima ajyanye no kurinda ibyo ufata nk’iby’ingenzi, nk’uko byasobanuwe na American Psychological Association mu nyandiko zijyanye n’amarangamutima.
2. Kwigereranya n’abandi
Abantu bagereranya ubuzima bwabo n’ubw’abandi buri gihe, n’iyo baba batabishaka.
Iyo tubonye undi yatsinze aho twifuzaga gutsinda, ubwonko bushobora kubifata nk’aho turi inyuma.
Mu isi ya none aho imbuga nkoranyambaga zagize uruhari runini mu myitwarire y’abantu, ndetse usanga ubu usanga abantu bagira ishyari mu buryo bworoshye ugereranyije n’uko byahoze.
Kuba twaratwawe n’ishyari biterwa ahanini n’uko twifuza kuba bamwe mu bantu bakunzwe cyane, tukumva ko natwe tubikwiye. Urugero nko kubona amafoto meza gusa abantu bashyizeho ukumva ko ari byo dukwiye, tutabibona tukagirira ishyari abo twabonye bafite amafoto meza.
Ibi bituma umuntu yumva ko abandi bari imbere, maze ishyari rikinjira mu mutima we.
3. Kutigirira icyizere
Ishyari rikunda kugaragara cyane ko utifitiye icyizere cyo hejuru. Bibaho rwose ko iyo umuntu atizeye agaciro ke, yumva ko atewe impungenge n’abandi ndetse akaba yagera aho yumva ashobora gusimburwa cyangwa nta gaciro afite burundu.
Urugero nko mu rukundo; usanga abantu bafite impungenge bibaza ibibazo nka: Ese ntazabona undi uruta njyewe?
Cyangwa mu kazi umuntu akaba yibaza ati: <<ese sinzansimburwa?>>
Cyangwa mu ncuti: <<ese ntibazansimbuza?>>
Icyakora ishyari siko buri gihe riganisha ku rwango, ahubwo ni uko wibaza aho uhagaze.
4. Ishyari ntabwo ari ribi buri gihe
Mu Kinyarwanda baravuga ngo <<Ishyari ni ishyano>>, ariko siko ishyari ribyara ishyano.
N’ubwo rishobora guteza ibibazo, ishyari si amarangamutima mabi gusa. Rimwe ni ikimenyetso cyiza gishobora kugaragaza kimwe muri ibi bikurikira:
- Witaye ku muntu cyangwa ku kintu, ufite inzozi, ushaka gutera imbere. Niyo mpamvu habaho n’ishyari ryiza.
- Rishobora no kukwereka ibyo ukeneye kunoza: kwiyizera, communication cyangwa intego zawe bwite.
Ariko nanone iyo rikabije rishobora gutera ingaruka mbi zikubiyemo:
- Guhangayika gukabije (stress),
- Kwangiza umubano mu rukundo,
- Gutuma umuntu ahora yigereranya n’abandi.
Wari uzi ko ubushakashatsi bwakozwe muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika (USA) bugaragaza ko ishyari rigize uruhare rw’icyenda ku ijana (9%) mu bwicanyi no kwiyahura hagati y’abashakanye muri icyo gihugu.
Laura Johnson (2024)
5. Ese ishyari waryirinda?
Abenshi muri twe (niba atari twese, nawe urimo) twagiye tugira ishyari mu mibereho yacu. Rimwe na rimwe tuba inzirakarengane z’ishyari kubera ingaruka mbi byatugizeho, ubundi rikatugirira umumaro kubera akamaro byatugiriye nk’uko twabivuze haruguru.
Hari inama hari ibintu ushobora kwitaho no gukurikiriza mu buryo bworoshye kandi bikagufasha kwirinda ndetse no guhangana n’ingaruka mbi z’ishyari:
a. Gerageza kwiyumva neza
Banza wibaze impamvu wiyumvise utyo. Ese ni ishyari risanzwe, cyangwa ni ubwoba bwo gutakaza ikintu cy’ingenzi mu buzima bwawe? Kwisobanukirwa ni intambwe ya mbere yo kugenzura amarangamutima yawe.
b. Irinde kwigereranya n’abandi cyane
Kwigereranya n’abandi bituma wumva utanyuzwe n’ibyo ufite. Wibuke ko ubuzima bwa buri muntu butandukanye, kandi buri wese afite urugendo rwe.
c. ubaka icyizere muri wowe
Kwiyizera bigabanya cyane ishyari. Iyo wiyiziho ubushobozi n’agaciro kawe, ntuba wumva uhangayikishijwe n’iby’abandi.
d. Kunda kuganira
Mu rukundo cyangwa mu kazi, kuganira ku buryo wiyumva mu buryo bwubaka birafasha. Kuvuga uko umeze bituma n’undi yumva aho uhagaze, bikarinda amakimbirane atari ngombwa.
Umusozo
Kwemera, gusobanukirwa no gushimira ni ibintu byose bidufasha kwivana mu mirunga y’ishyari.
Ishyari rituruka ku kutemera umyanya turimo cyangwa se amahitamo yacu. Icyakora nanone buri muntu aba afite amahitamo yadufasha kwigobotora ishyari.
N’ubwo ishyari atari ryiza incuro nyinshi ndetse rikaba rishobora kuduteza ibyago nk’amakimbira, urwango ndetse n’izindi ngaruka; ni kamere yacu, kandi ni ikimenyetso cy’uko turi abantu.
