Menya imyitwarire igaragaza ko umuntu afite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe

Hari abantu uganira na bo ukumva batuje kabone n’iyo ibintu byaba bikomeye. Hari abo mugirana amakimbirane/ibibazo ariko ntibaguture inabi cyangwa ngo bakubwire amagambo akomeretsa. Hari n’abo ubona bemera amakosa yabo batabanje gushaka urwitwazo.

Iyo ubyitegereje neza, usanga atari uko baba barize cyane kurusha abandi, ahubwo baba bafite ikintu gikomeye kurusha ubwenge bwo mu ishuri: icyo twita ‘ubwenge bwo mu mutwe’. Mu buzima, ntiduhitamo ibitubaho byose, ariko duhitamo uko tubyakira. Ni ho iyo emotional intelligence itangirira.

• Ese wigeze wibaza impamvu hari abantu bahita barakara iyo babwiwe nabi (igifura), abandi bakabanza bagahumeka gato bagatekereza mbere y’uko basubiza?
• Impamvu hari abadashobora gusaba imbabazi n’iyo baba bakoze amakosa bingana gute! Mu gihe abandi babikora batazuyaje?
• Impamvu hari abakunda kuvuga cyane ariko ntibumvwe, mu gihe hari abavuga gake ariko bakubaka umubano ukomeye aho bageze hose.

Ukuri ni uko ubuzima bwacu butatubeshaho gusa kubera ubumenyi dufite, ahubwo butubeshaho no mu buryo twitwara.

Ubwiza bw’umukobwa bumugeza ibwami, ariko ubwenge bwe nibwo bugena igihe azamarayo.

Imvugo Nyarwanda

Uko twifata mu burakari, mu byishimo, uko twakira kunengwa, uko twubaha abandi n’igihe bo batatwubaha, uko dufata ibyemezo bitarimo amarangamutima. Ibyo byose ni byo bipima urwego rwacu rw’ubwenge bwo mu mutwe.

Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe si impano ivukanwa n’umuntu wese. Bamwe barayigira, abandi ntibayigire. Ni ubuhanga, ni imyitwarire, ni imico umuntu yitoza buhoro buhoro.

Ubu bwenge tuvuga nibwo bugena niba uzubaka umubano urambye cyangwa uzawusenya mu munota umwe. Ni bwo bugena niba uzamuka mu ntera cyangwa uzahora mu makimbirane/amatiku. Ni bwo bugena niba uzagira amahoro mu mutima cyangwa uzahora uyoborwa n’amarangamutima.

Ariko ibi byose burya burya ni ibintu bishobora kugaragarira mu myitwarire imwe n’imwe umuntu agaragaza. Muri iyi nkuru, tugiye kureba imyitwarire igaragaza ko umuntu afite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe (emotional intelligence) buri hejuru.

Burya iyi myitwarire ishobora kugaragara nk’aho ari ntacyo ivuze, ariko ifite imbaraga zo guhindura ubuzima bw’umuntu burundu.

Reka twinjire muri byo byose byerekana imyitwarire igaragaza ko umuntu afite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe. Nyuma y’iyi nyandiko wibaze uti: Ese njye ndi muri aba bantu? Cyangwa hari ibyo nakongeraho/nahinduraho?

Indi nkuru wasoma: Ibintu 3 abantu batakazaho amafaranga (Ingero zifatika)

1. Kwemera Amakosa

Kwemera amakosa ni kimwe mu bimenyetso bikomeye by’ubwenge bwo mu mutwe. Abantu benshi bakora amakosa, ariko si bose babasha kuyemera.

Umuntu udafite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Ahita yirwanaho.
2. Ashaka uwo abigerekaho.
3. Atangira kwisobanura cyane aho kwemera amakosa.

Ariko umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Aratuza, akumva ibimuvugwaho.
2. Atekereza mbere yo gusubiza.
3. Aravuga ati: “Yego, nibeshye. Ndabikosora.”

Impamvu ari ingenzi

Kwemera amakosa byubaka icyizere. Mu kazi, umuyobozi wemera amakosa atuma abakozi be bamwiyumvamo. Mu muryango, umuntu wemera amakosa atuma umubano we na bagenzi be ukomera.

Urugero:

Niba wakoze amakosa ku kazi, aho gushaka urwitwazo, emera wigire kuri iryo kosa, usabe inama y’uko wabikosora. Ibyo byubaka icyubahiro kirambye.

Isomo rikomeye: Kwemera amakosa si intege nke; byerekana ko ukuze mu bitekerezo.

2. Kumva Abandi Mbere yo Kuvuga

Abantu benshi bumva kugira ngo basubize, si ukumva kugira ngo basobanukirwe.

Umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Ntahagarika undi mu gihe arimo kuvuga.
2. Ntatanga igisubizo undi atararangiza kuvuga.
3. Agerageza kumva amarangamutima ari inyuma y’amagambo y’uvuga.

Impamvu ari ingenzi

Iyo umuntu yumvise ko wamuteze amatwi by’ukuri, yumva afite agaciro. Ibi bigabanya amakimbirane kandi bigakomeza umubano.

Ingero:

Mu makimbirane y’umuryango, aho guhita uvuga uti “Oya sibyo!”, banza ubaze uti: “Ni iki cyakubabaje habaye iki?”

Isomo rikomeye: Gutega amatwi birubaka naho amagambo menshi arasenya.

3. Kugira Ituze Mu Makimbirane

Amakimbirane ntiyabura mu buzima. Burya ngo nta zibana zidakomanya amahembe, uburyo witwara mu makimbirane ni bwo bugena niba uri umunyabwenge mu mutwe cyangwa uri kuyoborwa n’amarangamutima.

Umuntu udafite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Ararakara vuba.
2. Avuga amagambo mabi.
3. Afata ibyemezo bihutiyeho mu burakari.

Umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Afata akanya ko gusobanukirwa/gusesengura.
2. Atekereza ku ngaruka z’amagambo ye.
3. Ashaka igisubizo aho gushaka impaka.

Impamvu ari ingenzi:

Amagambo avuzwe mu burakari ashobora gusenya umubano w’imyaka myinshi mu munota umwe. Burya biroroshye gushwana kurusha gucudika.

Urugero:

Mu kazi, niba hari uwakuvuzeho nabi, aho guhita umusubiza nabi, fata umwanya, umuvugishe mu bwitonzi.

Isomo rikomeye: Utsinda byinshi iyo uzi kugenzura amarangamutima yawe.

4. Kumenya Kugenzura Amarangamutima

Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe (emotional intelligence) butangirira ku kwimenya.

Umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe (emotional intelligence):

1. Amenya igihe arakaye.
2. Amenya igihe ababaye.
3. Amenya igihe ari gufata icyemezo kubera amarangamutima.

Ntibivuga ko atarakara cyangwa atababara, ahubwo ni uko atareka ngo ayo amarangamutima amuganze cyangwa amuyobore.

Impamvu ari ingenzi:

Abantu benshi bicuza amagambo cyangwa ibyemezo byafashwe mu burakari.

Urugero:

Niba wakiriye ubutumwa bukagukomeretsa, ntuhite ubusubiza ako kanya. Tegereza utuze, uzabusubize ejo niba bikenewe.

Isomo rikomeye: Kugenzura amarangamutima ni imbaraga zo kwigenzura no kwiyubahisha, si intege nke.

5. Kutivanga mu By’Abandi Bitakureba

Abantu benshi bakunda kwinjira mu bibazo bitabareba, gutanga ibitekerezo aho batabisabwe, cyangwa gukwirakwiza amakuru atabareba.

Umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe (emotional intelligence):

1. Amenya aho agarukira.
2. Azi ko atari buri kibazo cyose gisaba igitekerezo cye.
3. Yirinda guhinduka intandaro y’amakimbirane.

Impamvu ari ingenzi:

Kwivanga aho bitakureba bishobora kugukururira ibibazo utari ukeneye cyangwa utari witeze.

Urugero:

Niba inshuti ebyiri zifitanye ikibazo, aho guhita ufata uruhande, ushobora kubabwira uti: “Mugerageze mubiganire mwembi.”

Isomo rikomeye: Ubwenge ni ukumenya aho ukenewe ndetse n’igihe cya ngombwa cyo gukora igikorwa runaka.

6. Gusaba Imbabazi Igihe Bikwiye

Gusaba imbabazi ni kimwe mu bigaragaza ubukure bwo mu mutwe. Ugendeye ku mpamvu ya mbere twabonye hejuru, burya kwemera amakosa bijyana no kuyasabira imbabazi.

Si ukuyemera ngo birangirire aho, kuko ibyo byaba ari ukwiyererutsa (gusaba imbabazi byo kuzisaba).

Umuntu udafite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe (emotional intelligence):

1. Atekereza ko gusaba imbabazi ari ukwitesha agaciro.
2. Ashaka gukurura impaka aho guharanira icyamwunga n’abandi.

Umuntu ufite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe:

1. Amenya igihe yakoze nabi.
2. Asaba imbabazi atabanje gushaka urwitwazo.
3. Ashyira imbere umubano kurusha ishema ryawe.

Impamvu ari ingenzi:

Imbabazi zizana umubano kandi zigarura icyizere.

Urugero:

Niba wavuganye nabi n’umuntu ukunda, gusaba imbabazi hakiri kare birinda ko ikibazo gikura.

Isomo rikomeye: Kwikunda birenze urugero birasenya, ariko imbabazi zirubaka.

Umusozo

Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe si impamyabumenyi zihanitse, ni imyitwarire ya buri munsi. Ushobora kuba warize amashuri ashoboka, ariko burya ukaba udafite ubwenge bwo mu mutwe nyirizina.

Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe bugaragarira mu magambo uvuga, mu byemezo ufata, no mu buryo wifata mu bihe bikomeye.

Niba ushaka kuba umuntu wubaka umubano mwiza, ufite icyizere, kandi wiyubashye, itoze izi ngeso buri munsi.

Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe ntibugaragarira mu magambo meza gusa, ahubwo bugaragarira mu buryo witwara igihe ibintu bitagenze neza.

Bugaragarira mu kwemera ikosa aho kwirwanaho, gutega amatwi aho gutongana, mu gusaba imbabazi aho gukomeza gutsimbarara ku cyo wita ukuri kwawe.

Niba ushaka kubaka umubano urambye, kugira icyizere mu bandi, no kugira amahoro yo mu mutima, tangira witoze kugenzura amarangamutima yawe, kumva abandi, no gushyira kwikunda kurengeje urugero ku ruhande.

Wibuke:

Ntibisaba kuba umuhanga cyane ngo ugire agaciro mu buzima. Ariko bisaba kugira ubwenge bwo mu mutwe kugira ngo ugire umubano mwiza, amahoro, n’icyubahiro kirambye. Ubwenge bwo mu mutwe ni imbaraga zikomeye cyane.